Social Media and The Psychology of Loneliness
Author: Academy of ideas Publisher: https://academyofideas.com/2018/08/social-media-psychology-of-loneliness/ Publish Date: 2018-8-20 Review Date: 2022-14-2 Status:☁️
Annotations
-
in this video we are going to put forth the argument that it is an inner emptiness, or the lack of a well-defined and effectual sense of self, that is the root cause of the loneliness experienced by so many in our day.
-
One’s sense of self can be seen as existing on a spectrum. On the one side of this spectrum are those with a strong sense of self, such people feel they have a place in the world, they know what they want with their lives and they take the necessary actions to move in the direction of their goals. On the other side of the spectrum are those with a weak sense of self, these are the empty men and women. Such individuals lack a clear conception of what they want with their life, they have no long-term goals around which to structure their days, and so they feel powerless to positively influence their situation. These people tend to drift through life in a passive manner, they follow the path of least resistance, and are often crippled by existential doubts.
-
A society inflicted by a pathology of emptiness is also a society full of anxiety ridden individuals. For if we feel our self to be powerless to exert control over our life and uncertain of our ability to face up to the challenges of our environment, then anxiety is a natural response. And for the hollow man this anxiety is most strongly felt during periods of solitude. If we have no other people around to lean on, or to distract us, then our thoughts turn inward and this leads the hollow among us to become aware of their inner void. Therefore, unlike an individual with a strong and individuated sense of self, for whom periods of solitude can be rejuvenating, solitude for the hollow man is experienced as a painful loneliness and something he must flee from.
-
In generations past, the hollow man would turn to the comfort and security of friends and family, or take part in social events, to avoid the anxiety that was triggered in times of solitude. But in the present day we don’t even need to leave the comfort of our home to find the social connections necessary to block out awareness of our emptiness. Instead we merely need to turn to the comforting glow of our phones and immerse ourselves in the virtual worlds of social media. We can even go as far as to construct a pseudo-self to mask over our empty nature. By selectively posting bits of information about our life online we can pretend to be someone we are not and feed off the social validation offered by the others who participate in this game.
-
This defensive mechanism, used by the hollow man or woman, whereby they flee to the comfort of the crowd to avoid the anxiety triggered in times of solitude, is also utilized by pre-psychotic individuals in the attempt to avoid a psychotic break. In his magnus opus Interpretation of Schizophrenia Silvano Arieti describes how this process unfolds in the case of schizophrenics: “In some cases [schizophrenia] starts with a period of confusion, excitement, and agitation. The patient seems to be eager to make contacts, to reach all the people he knows, to reconnect himself with what seems to him an escaping world. He searches for something that he cannot find.” (Silvano Arieti, Interpretation of Schizophrenia)
-
What the schizophrenic is searching for is also what the hollow man lacks – a secure sense of self. “In its extreme form,” writes the psychologist Rollo May, “this fear of losing one’s [self] is the fear of psychosis.” (Rollo May, Man’s Search for Himself) The outward turn to the security of the social world usually fails to protect one on the cusp of a psychotic break, and so too does the outward turn to the world of social media ultimately fail to protect the hollow man from his anxiety and loneliness. This solution is like placing a band-aid on a gunshot wound, as the social validation that is gained through social media use is as empty as the people who grant it. For as Rollo May noted in his book Man’s Search for Himself the hollow among us “are bound to become more lonely no matter how much they “lean together”; for hollow people do not have a base from which to learn to love.”(Rollo May, Man’s Search for Himself) But what makes this defense against emptiness particularly harmful is that it prevents people from taking the necessary steps to address their lack of a self. “The human being cannot live in a condition of emptiness for very long: if he is not growing toward something, he does not merely stagnate; the pent-up potentialities turn into morbidity and despair, and eventually into destructive activities.” (Rollo May, Man’s Search for Himself)
-
The true antidote to an inner emptiness is to discover what we truly want with our life and to take the actions necessary to bring that self, and life, into existence. To accomplish this, we must be willing to face up to our loneliness and the anxiety which accompanies it – for loneliness as Edward Edinger put it in his book Ego and Archetype is “a precursor to the positive experience of aloneness.” (Edward Edinger) And it is in periods of aloneness that we can begin to learn who we are and what we want with our life.
-
Facing up to our aloneness, and cultivating the golden seeds of our being, is no easy task as it requires that we take the bold step of diminishing our need for social validation. For to develop a strong sense of self we must distinguish ourselves psychologically from our peers. Each of us is unique, we have different innate talents, likes, and dislikes, and so as we strengthen our sense of self it is inevitable that we will become less like those around us.
-
But we must not think that this process will turn us into outsiders who reject the social world. Rather those who cultivate a strong sense of self only improve their social skills and enrich their relationships. For a person who possesses the inner strength associated with a well-defined self will not be held back in their social interactions by anxiety or the need for validation. Instead a strong sense of self will free us to behave with spontaneity, which is one of the most attractive of human characteristics. And as the etymology of the word implies, acting spontaneously means acting in accordance with our will, something that is only possible after we have developed a strong sense of self.
-
If we dare to take this journey not everyone will approve and some of the people who we considered friends may even treat us with disdain. For to see a man move beyond the chains of his emptiness only makes the hollow man more aware of his barren nature.