The evolutionary function of guilt is to prevent us from disappointing parental figures
People readily see that the angel was savior to Moses. Even though he caused his ward to be maimed, under the circumstances Gabriel had no alternative. Guilt plays the same survival role. It is a guardian. When the adult world requires, even if inadvertently, that an infant or child suppress parts of their true selfātheir own desires, feelings and preferencesāthey has to develop some internal mechanisms that would automatically force her to comply. The penalty of not doing so is to suffer the anxiety of disappointing the parent, of feeling cut off from the parent. Guilt comes along as one of these internal mechanisms. It guides the childās hand away from the onyx stone, their own core impulses, and has them bring to their mouth the coal of fireāfeelings acceptable to the parent. The child is hurt, but the indispensable relationship with the parent is preserved.
Guilt is obsessively single-minded, knowing only one stimulus and only one response. The stimulus is this: you, child or adult, wish to do something for yourself that may disappoint someone else. This could be a true misdeed, such as stealing, or a human desire to act in accordance with your core impulses, perhaps by expressing a genuine feeling the parent cannot tolerate in you. Guilt does not know the difference. It hurls at you the same epithet for both misdeed and self-expression: selfish. It also cannot discriminate between past and present. In place of your present-day interactionsāwith spouse, friend, doctor, butcher, baker, computer makerāit sees only your early relationships with your caregivers.
References
- Mate, Gabor. (1999). Scattered Minds Chapter 16. It Aināt Over Till Itās Over Unconditional Positive Regard (p. 318). London, UK: Random House.
Metadata
Type:š“ Tags: Psychology / Developmental Psychology Status:āļø