Being alone in the presence of the mother is necessary for the infant to develop of a separate identity
It is only when alone (that is to say, in the presence of someone) that the infant can discover his personal life. Infants, because they are immature, need the support of another person if their sense of being a separate person with a separate identity is to develop. This begins to happen when the infant is able to be in the relaxed state which is constituted by the experience of being alone in the presence of the mother. After being in this state for a while, the infant will begin to experience a sensation or impulse. In this setting the sensation or impulse will feel real truly and be a personal experience.
This feeling of personal experience contrasts with a false life built on reactions to external stimuli. This deremines whether an individualâs experience is authentic or inauthentic. Many people learned as children to be over-compliant; that is, to live in ways which were expected of them, or which pleased others, or which were designed not to offend others. These people end up building a false self; that is, a self which is based upon compliance with the wishes of others, rather than being based upon the individualâs own true feelings and instinctive needs. Such an individual ultimately comes to feel that life is pointless and futile, because theyâre merely adapting to the world rather than experiencing it as a place in which their subjective needs can find fulfilment.
That the capacity to be alone, first in the presence of the mother, and then in her absence, is also related to the individualâs capacity to get in touch with, and make manifest, his own true inner feelings. It is only when the child has experienced a contented, relaxed sense of being alone with, and then without, the mother, that he can be sure of being able to discover what he really needs or wants, irrespective of what others may expect or try to foist upon him. The capacity to he alone thus becomes linked with self-discovery and self-realization; with becoming aware of oneâs deepest needs, feelings, and impulses.
References
- Storr, Anthony. (1988). Solitude A Return to the Self Chapter 1. The Significance of Human Relationships (p. 39).
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Type:đ´ Tags: Psychology / Developmental Psychology Status:âď¸