Why Punishment Doesn’t Work

Author: Tracy Cassels Publisher: Evolutionary Parenting: https://evolutionaryparenting.com/why-punishment-doesnt-work/. Publish Date: N/A Review Date: Status:🌐

But for many the issue of punishment is one they just don’t see. They can’t understand why punishment doesn’t work. This isn’t too surprising given that in the short term it can seem to work very well
punishment is not the same as natural or logical consequences
A consequence is something that happens because of another act and these can be divided into three types of consequences: natural, logical, or illogical (aka punishment).

Natural consequences happen no matter what anyone does so you actually are not an active agent in this unless you stop natural consequences from happening (which is common too).
An example of a natural consequence is a child refusing to wear a coat outside in winter and then getting cold. What’s important to know about natural consequences is that we are primed to learn from them as humans – in fact, they are the best way for us to learn lessons. So looking at that coat example, if you don’t fight the coat issue but bring one with you, once your child is cold, she should look to you for the coat unless you’ve already turned it into a power struggle and so she refuses on principle.
The other two types of consequences are artificial in nature in that they are imposed by others, but can follow as either logical or illogical.

Logical consequences are those that make sense when considering the action in question. For example, if your child doesn’t eat any healthy food, it’s logical to say they can’t go and eat tons of dessert. You can explain this to them in terms of health and how food impacts their body. In addition to making sense and being something you can link when you explain, it also has to be temporally logical. That means, you can’t take away dessert for a week for one night of not eating dinner because it then loses the logic.

Finally, we get to punishment, or illogical consequences. These are the many consequences we try to impose that have nothing to do with the problem at hand. We are using our power to try and take something away from a child that they want to get them to comply with something completely different. For example, you may see people take away toys or TV time for not eating dinner. You will often also see people threaten to take away future events for some current compliance (“If you don’t get ready right now we won’t go to the fair this weekend”). These are very common and yet make absolutely no sense unless we simply view it as a means to exert our control over our children

The research we have on moral development is quite clear that children simply don’t learn anything of moral value when the consequences are not logical.

Some parents may wonder if the greater good in the moment is still worth it if they are getting children to comply with something important. After all, eating good foods is important. Not getting sick is also important. However, this is where we have to be good about looking at the short-term gain versus long-term pain because in almost no instance can we see that it’s worth it.
What happens when we use our power for punishment? Our children may comply in the moment, but we know they aren’t actually learning anything about the message we are sending
So already you’ve set yourself up for a longer socialization battle because your kids aren’t actually getting the lessons you think you’re teaching.

🔮 The Cosmos