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What Are Natural Consequences? When and How to Use Them

Author: Sarah Vanbuskirk Publisher: Very Well Mind: https://www.verywellfamily.com/natural-consequences-as-a-discipline-strategy-1094849 Publish Date: 2022-7-7 Review Date: Status:🌐

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  • The great thing about instilling natural consequences is you don’t have to do much to let them work their magic. Instead, you basically just have to get out of the way and let your child experience the ramifications of their missteps—as long as it’s safe to do so.

  • Essentially, natural consequences are simply what happens as a result of a person’s actions, without any intervention by an outside party. In fact, the key to using natural consequences with kids is for the parent to step aside and allow their child to experience the effect of their what they’ve done or not done

  • By not intervening when a child makes a misstep, the parent lets the child learn by doing, truly experiencing the fruits of their labors, explains Dr. Pressman. This may mean that they end up chilly, overtired, without their homework, late, or any number of other unpleasant things. They may feel disappointed or frustrated. They may fail a test or lose an item that they forgot at school. While it’s hard to let your child feel these things, the point is for them to learn from these experiences.

  • ”Natural consequences are things that happen automatically as a result of a child’s action or inaction without any purposeful behavior on the adult’s part,” says Dr. Fulton. “If the natural consequence is unwanted or unpleasant, the child has the opportunity to learn from the experience and do things differently the next time to avoid the unpleasant experience.”

  • When parents routinely rush in to do things for their kids and/or “rescue” them from their actions (or inaction), they are robbed of developing motivation to take care of their own needs. “Natural consequences can help children to develop intrinsic motivation for behaving in adaptive ways,” says Dr. Fulton. If they know you won’t automatically fix it if they fail to do what is expected, they will become much more likely to do what needs to be done themself.

  • When a child finishes their book report because you hounded them to do it, that’s external motivation. If they do it on their own because they want to get a good grade or for the satisfaction of getting their work done, that’s intrinsic motivation. Natural consequences help to build this type of internal willpower that will serve kids well in the future, says Dr. Pressman.

  • If they don’t put in the work, the natural consequence is feeling bad about turning in subpar work and getting a lower grade, results that may motivate them to do better next time. If you “fix it” for them by doing the report with (or for) them, they’re robbed of this experience and they may not develop the intrinsic motivation to do their own work.

  • Natural consequences help kids to become more independent and self-assured. “They help children to assume responsibility and to learn about how they can control outcomes through their own actions,” explains Dr. Fulton. “After experiencing an unpleasant natural consequence the child can use the learned information the next time the situation occurs. Behavior may change once the child understands and experiences the unwanted outcome.”

  • Sometimes it can be tricky to distinguish between what your child should or should not do to become more independent. “As parents think about autonomy support, ask yourself, ‘Are they capable of doing it themself?’ If so, let them do it,” says Dr. Pressman. And let them feel the ramifications if they don’t do it (or do it the right way).

  • When you use natural consequences, the goal is not simply the discomfort the child may experience, but rather that they develop an understanding of cause and effect, can make predictions, and are able to understand their own ability to impact their environment, says Dr. Fulton. If you spare kids from experiencing natural consequences, as parents may feel compelled to do at times, they are robbed of making the connection between their actions and what happens due to their actions.

  • Note: they develop deontological ethics based not on expereince, but what they were told is right

  • If a child doesn’t set their alarm, they will be late. If they don’t call their friend back, they may end up without any social activities that weekend. As a result, they’ll see that they have the agency to impact what happens in their life—negatively and positively. Additionally, instead of the child doing something (say putting on a coat) because their parent tells them to, they learn to do it because of the desired result (not being chilly when it’s cold outside).

  • If they miss the deadline for signing up for a school club, they may miss out on that opportunity. Living with the consequences of their actions helps to motivate them to be more responsible and proactive next time. This gives them the chance to cope with a manageable disappointment and/or to take action to rectify the situation, says Dr. Pressman. This type of experience may cultivate resilience that they can draw from when other unfortunate things happen down the road.

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